6 Animals of Today That Could Beat a Dinosaur

All I EEEEEEEVER hear anyone talk about is "OH dinosaurs are so STRONG", "OH dinosaurs are so BRAVE", "OH dinosaurs bring the BEST food to potlucks". And I can't help but roll my eyes! Come on, dinosaurs are cool and all, but there are a ton of animals that exist HERE IN THIS VERY DAY AND AGE that could tear a dinosaur right up.



scary giraffe


They have the height advantage. That gets inside a dinosaur's head, man. Once a dinosaur has lost confidence in himself, he's lost the fight. Jesus, it's like you haven't even SEEN the dinosaur version of Rocky III?



frightening monkeys


While there's obviously a huge size disparity, monkeys have a intellectual advantage. They can watch a dinosaur, see how he moves, what spots of its body it protects, and when it leaves itself defenseless. It's like that time Rey Mysterio defended the World Heavyweight Championship against the Big Show at WrestleMania, probably. You see, Rey should have been immediately eaten by his much larger opponent, but he figured out that if he attacked the knees, he could make the giant crumble. Unfourtunately for pro wrestling fans, Rey Mysterio was in fact eaten by the Big Show the next month at the Backlash pay-per-view, but boy did that make Backlash the best WWE pay-per-view of the year!



bunch of bees




Hammerhead shark

hammerhead shark


Um, his head is a HAMMER. If you have full mobility, plus your head is a weapon, you are automatically going to win a fight. Why do you think the UFC had to ban that guy whose face was a machine gun? I mean, besides the steroid use. Guy used a LOT of steroids, especially for a guy whose face was a machine gun.



cutest panda in the world


No dinosaur can attack a panda. They're too cute. Come on, could you bite a panda bear? That would be the saddest thing you could ever do. It'd be like putting a baby puppy in a meat grinder DURING SAID PUPPY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. And then what do you do with the dog cake and tiny birthday hats? Donate them to Goodwill? THEY WON'T WANT THEM YOU SICKO.



roaring lion


Lions, being the KING of the jungle, eminate a sense of regency that makes them incredibly hard to kill. That is intimidating, the killing of a king. You think a dinosaur isn't going to be intimidated by that? Dinosaurs are notorious for their observance of social class—they can barely talk to their state senators at parties. That is, if there were state senators in the Mesozoic era. Which there decidedly were NOT.


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