Video Game Heroes Who Followed Their DREAMS
We all know the greats of gaming: Mario, Sonic, Link, Lester the Unlikely. But it’s not all that impressive being a hero when you have power thrust upon you, you know? I want to celebrate the little guys; the most unconventional protagonists in video game history, and how they stood up to the man! Here are five gaming protagonists that weren’t afraid to chase their dreams of being a hero, despite being, well, weird as hell:
I Am Bread
Ever hear the phrase “The greatest thing since sliced bread”? Well, feast your eyes on this imposing figure! The star of I Am Bread, a piece of bread, has inspired me to no end. From its floppy corners reaching up and over counter tops and refrigerators, to its weird lack of any sort of facial features, it’s my hope that we can live in a world where we’re all as determined as Bread. Its expiration date leaves something to be desired, sure, but one day, we’re all going to be standing in our truth, flopping aimlessly corner over corner.
Charlie Blackmore and his family are Russian matryoshka dolls, and they’re creepy and they’re steely-eyed and they’re just unsettling as hell. But hey, you know what Tim Gunn would say? They’re making it work, and I can appreciate that. They’re fragile as all get-out and could shatter at any instant, but does that stop them from hopping around like the tiny lil’ nightmares they are? I’m not crazy about the idea of my entire family being stacked one-by-one inside of each other, but it’s that indomitable willpower that inspires me to get out of bed in the morning.
Look, nobody ever sat and thought “Man, I’d love to see what life as a goat would be like", but Goat Simulator was still a thing that happened, and the unnamed goat at its center took their rightful position in the spotlight. And hey, that’s what counts! Thrust into a role nobody ever cared to see portrayed, this goat did it with vim and vigor, and chewed grass and threw head-butts and... just generally did goat things.
The cats at the heart of Catlateral Damage are a bunch of mischievous little scamps, knocking stuff over and assumedly terrorizing the absent Jon Arbuckle-like owners who have to clean up this damn mess. Sure, you don’t get to hate Mondays or down an entire dish full of lasagna, but the joy of being a cat is in mindless destruction, and who can’t relate to that? I knock everything in my apartment over and suddenly I’m “causing a disturbance” and “a danger to myself and others”.
Who’s Your Daddy?
Who’s Your Daddy? is a quirky little indie title about a proud dad who just wants to keep his baby healthy so he can grow up to be big and strong. On the other hand, it’s also about a baby who REALLY wants to die, in any way he can. Fork in the light socket? Classic. Drinking bleach? Go for it, baby! Licking batteries? HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES! This baby will stop at nothing to bite the big one. He’s the definition of “Never say die”! Well, only I guess this time, it’s “Never say live”!
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy
If you’ve played Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy, you’re probably on your third computer, after having demolished the first two in rage. But you’re also familiar with the game’s protagonist — a bald, oddly muscled man stuck inside a pot, who only has a sledgehammer (or is it a pickax?) as his means of ambulation. A modern-day Sisyphus, if you will. He’s determined to reach his goal, as pointless as it might be, even if he gets knocked back to the start 485 times in the process (BUT HEY, WHO’S COUNTING?). I just hope that one day, when I get stuck in a cauldron (that’s right, not “if,” but “when”), I can show the same moxie that this poor boy does.
Which video game character is living out your ultimate dream? Let me know on Twitter!